So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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