Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
