Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
