literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
