I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
