Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
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theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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