He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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