used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
