I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
