DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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