I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
