Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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