I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
