what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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