oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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