I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
