last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
