At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
