babies were throwing up all over the place
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
