after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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