God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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