My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
