i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
