I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
