i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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