Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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