dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
