Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
