I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
