It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
