i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
