just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
