I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
