when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize