never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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