I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
