Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
