Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
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Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
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After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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