I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
