She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
