I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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