I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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