Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
