hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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