The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
