peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
