Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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