and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
