My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
