so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
