He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
