OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
