dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
