just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
