There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
either way he was missing a nipple.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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