Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
