I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sorry about my life...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
