Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
