Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
