I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
