saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
