Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
