I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
