well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
