He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
