like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
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But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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