I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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