Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
