Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
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Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
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IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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