Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
